He Helps Us Hang In
In the late 80s and early 90s, there was a show called “A Different World.” It was a spinoff of The Cosby Show and tracked a group of friends through their college years. In an episode called “Answered Prayers,” a girl named Kim’s dad is shot in the line of duty as a police officer. Her friends rush to be with her at the hospital, and a girl named Freddie asks, “Is there anything I can do?” Kim responds, “Just pray.” The kicker for Freddie is that she’s from an agnostic family and has never prayed before.
Even though she has no idea how to do it “right,” Freddie prays for her friend’s father. After the prayer, Freddie feels supremely confident and announces that she has “found God,” and that she knows Kim’s dad is going to be just fine. At the end of the episode, we learn that Kim’s dad will live; however, he may be permanently paralyzed. Immediately, Freddie is devastated and cries, “How can I believe in a God who makes you read the fine print? He tricked me! He let Kim’s dad live, but he may never walk again!”
Another friend, Dwayne, goes to comfort Freddie. He shares the time as a child he prayed every week for God to give him an autographed basketball for Christmas, to the extent that he took a picture of the ball to church with him to make sure God didn’t “get the wrong one.” Christmas came, and under the tree Dwayne found a beautiful red coat and a winter hat. Dwayne states, “I was so mad at God! I went to church, but I refused to sing! But that winter, the basketball courts were under three feet of snow, and everyone was either sick or had frostbite. Everyone but me, because I had my warm winter coat and my goofy hat.” He goes on to explain to Freddie that with prayer sometimes you get what you ask for, and sometimes you just get what you get. But he believes the point of prayer is that God helps us hang in there with what we get.
How many people over the millennia have walked away from the Almighty God because of God’s response, or seeming lack of response, to their prayers? In the words of Freddie, “What is the point of prayer if we don’t get what we ask for?” This is a question I’ve wrestled with many times. My husband and I have experienced heartache in the ministry when all we wanted to do was serve the Lord and help others. We have lost jobs, struggled financially, lost a child through miscarriage, and lost my dad to cancer, which I’m guessing means we are just like you. I literally don’t know anyone who has not experienced hurt and heartache in their life. What then is the point of prayer? What is the point of being a Christian?
What do we do with passages like Matthew 17:20, “For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.’” when our mountain doesn’t move? Or Matthew 21:22, “And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” When we beg God for something from the bottom of our soul and the answer is still no? Does it mean that we don’t have enough faith?
For a little perspective, let’s consider the most fervent, faith-filled prayer of all time, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will,” Matthew 26:39. No one would ever suggest that Jesus did not have enough faith, yet the answer to His petition was, “no.”
Yet sometimes we view Jesus’ standard as utterly unrealistic and unattainable, so God has provided other examples for us as well. “So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-9a.
When our hearts are breaking, when we are confused and just don’t understand, there are four things we need to remember:
#1. The end of Jesus’ prayer is the key: “Not as I will, but as you will.” Isaiah 55:9: “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Sometimes we just won’t understand. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes there may be factors at play that we could never know or understand. Yet God is good. God is love. God is holy. If we hold to that truth, we will receive Revelation 21:4: “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”
Jesus’ “no” was not in His best interest, but it was in yours. And mine. And your children’s, and your grandchildren’s. Because of His “no,” we have hope of seeing those we have lost again. We have hope of eternity in His presence. We have hope of an eternity with no more pain, hurt, or struggle.
#2. I think it’s important to rephrase Freddie’s question. Instead of, “What’s the point of praying if you don’t get what you want?” I believe we should ask, “If the answer was always ‘yes,’ what would be the point of Heaven?” If the answer to every prayer was “yes,” there would already be no sickness, no death, no pain. People wouldn’t pray or become Christians because they love Jesus; it would be because God was a cosmic genie or a Burger King vending machine where everyone could just have it, “your way.”
#3. Paul said that his “thorn in the flesh” was a messenger from Satan, but also that God had a purpose for this particular struggle. It sounds as though part of the reason God did not remove this difficulty was that Paul had great faith, not because he didn’t have enough faith. With the amazing things Paul was accomplishing with the Spirit, he needed to remember to be humble.
At the same time, God also used Paul’s struggle to demonstrate His power even more clearly. With his weakness, it was clear that what Paul was doing was by God’s power, not his own. Sometimes the greatest testament of our faith is how we respond to God’s “no.” Do we allow His majesty to shine through in our weakness?
#4. Prayer isn’t so that we get what we want; in the words of Dwayne, prayer is so God can “help us hang in there with what we get.” “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction…” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4. Sometimes the answer is, “no,” and that’s really hard. But even in those hard times, because of God’s love and goodness, we don’t have to face it alone. We can make sense of a senseless world because we know there is more to living than just life on this flawed earth.
One of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard is a newer song by Praise and Harmony, “Trust in You.” I would like to leave you with the chorus:
“When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move,
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through,
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You,
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You.”
Sometimes the answer is, “no.” Sometimes it’s, “not yet.” Sometimes it’s that God is accomplishing something tremendous through our struggle and journey. We won’t fully understand what’s happening and why this side of Heaven, but what we can know unequivocally is that we are praying to a God who will always help us hang in there with what we get. May God bless you as you serve Him, hang in there, my sister.